Ignorance and Gall

(between a rock and a hard place...)

In retrospect, I suppose I -am- angry. Though it's a curious kind of anger, much delayed, making me seethe with restlessness and pissed-off tension when I really oughta be sleeping. Fortunately, I'm not working tomorrow, so I can cater to the whims of my emotions and let stuff bubble a little like an addict undergoing caffeine withdrawal.

I don't know if I have a character that can describe this particular anger. Maybe Vitril. A sort of pent-up repressed fury mixed with a minute helping of frustration, resentment and helplessness, and distinctly directionless, lingering the more and more the incident replays in memory. Possibly Carla too.

(Hence, I have to write it out or go nuts. Too bad it ain't an easily burned easily recovered Flame-type anger, or even a passionate justified Astral-type, or a ranty-geesh-why-me Iggy anger, but yeah, whatever...)

*sighs*

Okay, it was probably an entire day of cat-herding and babysitting and lowbie tour guiding that set it off. That and coping with the unfamiliar role of defendering while being on edge and observing certain other defs and trollers not quite pulling their own weight.

The outburst, I mean. Though when I said it, I was very clearly cognizant of what I was doing, even if I hadn't fully calculated the effects and consequences.

It was a public dressing down. I knew it. It was meant to be said. And not regretted, because every single bloody word was true.

It probably just took a whole bunch of people aback, me included, though in a different way. :)

I can forgive ignorance. Heh, haven't we been doing it the whole week? Everybody was a newbie once. Yes, there are going to be mass aggros when someone isn't familiar with the controls or the spawn placements... Yes, even though it makes me go "eee!" and scramble to save the team, I can forgive 'retard' blasters, scrappers and others who start fights and cause team wipes unknowingly, because I do not expect sub-10 day old players to figure everything out and play perfectly. Everything in good time. (And maybe not even then, cos I'm sure we all know a couple odd souls who regularly drop dead soloing their normal missions even tho they've played for 3 years...)

Heck, I don't need to forgive because I don't even apportion blame. It happens. We expect that. Worse come to the worse, you just freaking quit the team when you can't take it anymore.

I don't, because I actually care about these particular chaps who happen to be my colleagues. Otherwise it's easy to just shrug and slide out of the team and not bother.

And therein lies the rub. And probably what set me off. Here I am, trying to teach them the good stuff without spoiling it all or lecturing, and this JOKER out of nowhere, ignores the team leader, doesn't consult the team or check for their approval, suddenly picks on -my- friend and tries to teach him bad stuff in the most deceptively sneaky way possible...

Heh. The selfish gall. The nerve.

Hello, if I wanted to PL him, you think I cannot, issit? Grrr.

Part of it is a little amazement that my colleagues are such blank slates when it comes to this sort of thing. I mean, how is it different online or off? It's all people stuff. The Cantonese saying is "zhou yun" or maybe there's a equivalent Mandarin version..."zhuo ren?" You really ought to know how to behave. How to "be a person." And pulling one's own weight is part of that.

At the same time, yes, it's completely understandable that they don't understand, because they haven't a clue how sidekicking works, do they? They haven't really faced the purple patch, or grok the color 'con' system, or died horribly to +4s, yadda yadda because we've been mostly shielding 'em. And they sure don't know about leeching and so on.

Which is why really, my anger is more directed at the guy who started it, who should have known better. (Except it's unreasonable to think that everyone will meet your expectations, so it's really more disbelief and indignation at the gall of the selfish twit who tries to pull that kinda shit off in our team. Without even asking.)

It's the 'taking people for granted' nature of the incident that really bugs me. You know, I'm not that morally opposed to a PL. It's not really for me personally, but I've shrugged when supergroup mates or even a random stranger asks if it's okay that they de-sidekick so that they gain more xp, since the team's doing fine.

But I will go fucking apeshit if you go "*giggle giggle* Hey, want to gain more xp? Yes? Ok, I will de-sidekick you and heal you, you'll be fine, (aka don't worry about the rest of the team, they will kill all ze mobs for us)"

Hello. Do the drug spiel on your OWN fucking team. Don't come into my alley and try and sucker MY homies. I'll bust yer kneecaps off. Sheesh.

It pushed all my hot buttons of 'someone selfishly assuming control and authority when they have none', 'someone gullible enough to believe a conman' and 'someone stomping their dirty boots all over my territory and disturbing people under my watch.'

I'm such a blardy tank at heart, aren't I? :P

It's a bit ironic now that I think about it. Why would that idiot have offered out of the blue? Was he just thinking that he was being friendly and kind by offering 'XP!!!'? Did he go gaga over the spandexed female avatar (played by a guy in reality *smirks*)? Or was he just one of those irritating authority snatchers who think they can take over a team and turn it into their own personal herd/farm/fill/whatever army?

Ah well. Now I worry a bit that my lil outburst is going to be the talk of the town. Still, that's prolly a good thing if a discussion eventually leads certain people to the 'right' way to behave.

I just have to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day.

If people give up because of a setback, it speaks more about them and what they value/their priorities than it does about me.

And no one can really learn unless they're presented with multiple options (for behavior, for opinions, etc.) and learn to choose between them for themselves, right?

Eventually, the babysitting and handholding must stop. It's just a question of how fast to do it so that they're not mired in ignorance, and shown the right path before letting them choose for themselves... Bleh. Kinda like raising a dang kid, ain't it? Eeeew.

How the hell did we learn this stuff for ourselves?

And seriously, I was never this obnoxious even as a newbie. I'd say I leaned more towards the 'leech' direction, where I'd hover in the background and watch people to figure out how to act properly. That, coupled with a lot of soloing, helped me figure out limits.

Maybe it's past time they started forming some of their own groups without us so that they can learn how bad things can get.

(Since after all, we'd automatically form teams of good level and composition and pick appropriate missions, and then do our darnest to stay alive, saving them inadverdently in the process...)