Picked up Dragon Age again. Gave up on Haven and went to Orzammar. Decided not to muck around in the mazey, dungeony parts and tried to make a beeline to where I'm supposed to go.
Good parts:
The Lost Roads definitely look inspired by Moria. Armies of darkspawn marching below, a giant gate, and a bone-dragon-thingy-archdemon flying around. Now all we need is the Archdemon (Balrog) and the Grey Warden (Grey Gandalf) to slug it out and fall into the fiery pits of the Deep Trenches (Depths of Moria). Naaaaah...not going to to happen.
Bad parts:
Spoiler...
Spoiler, I'm warning you...
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Darkspawn is PEOPLE!!!
I had the notion that Dragon Age is some kind of horror fantasy, with what the blood splotches, mishappen/swollen/fleshy abominations. And yes, what is horrifying to people can be generally irrational. But. This is just wacky. This is like Evil Dead meets Baldur's Gate meets Alien.
So darkspawn blood is poisonous. People who come into contact with it go insane and die. Right?
Kinda.
Apparently, as is revealed in Orzammar, contact with darkspawn blood (virus) causes humans/dwarves/elves to mutate into flesh-eating darkspawn(become flesh-eating zombies). Male sentients go insane. Female sentients turn into ginormous bloated darkspawn-spawning queens.
Anyway. The process goes like this. Darkspawn captures sentients. Darkspawn eat some males, then gang-rape the females and force them to ingest darkspawn tissue. Females mutate and eat the rest of the males, then keep eating and eating until they become gigantic. They then give birth continously to more darkspawn. Eggs or life-birth? No idea. Different types of sentients turn into different types of queen darkspawns to give birth to different types of darkspawn.
*facepalm*
This really doesn't make sense if you look at it from a Hive perspective, that the whole process is supposed to resemble. Sex organs on disposable drones consume energy, and is wasteful. In a sensible case, the queen darkspawn would just give birth to sexless/female clones. After all, birthing male darkspawn requires sperm, a huge storage of sperm. Unless it's supposed to be one giant incestuous orgy where the queen darkspawn will give birth to tons of male darkspawn who then inseminate her continuously to provide a steady source of sperm to give birth to more male darkspawn.
Why do the darkspawn need sexual reproduction and DNA diversity anyway? The whole enterprise is doomed from the start. They take over humans, humans die off eventually, only darkspawn are left, so no new queens, and then the darkspawn die out.
I guess one of the huge horror themes people have in their minds is (for men) watching their women get gang-raped, turned into cannibals, and then eaten by said cannibals. Or (for women) getting gang-raped, turned into cannibalistic bloated immobile baby-making machines.
Right...
*facepalm*
One wonders which of the bioware developers came up with this idea.
3 comments:
This fails at congruency. Didn't we drink Darkspawn blood to become a Grey Warden? Why didn't my female rogue metamorphose into a giant queen Alien? :(
Or do I just have to wait 30 years for the taint to fully take hold?
I hope you better off yourself before 30 years is up or you're going to turn into giant cannibalistic immobile sex/baby machine!
Considering the game's normal difficulty level, no problems there. I off myself every 30 minutes.
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