Nyyaaarguuuh...

I can't believe it. I hate myself. Why do I have a number limit on my creativity here?

When I work, I have the energy for like 600-1200 words at best.

On a day that I wrangled leave, I output 3000+ words and then falter, all my energy having exploded from my head in a ultimate gush of effort. Despite trying, I can't bring myself to write more.

I peck at the keyboard. I end up surfing the internet. I listen to ever mournful songs. I've stopped playing games. I'm not even watching TV or DVDs. I'm just sitting and staring at the computer screen and trying to waste time by poking around with web browsers.

I can't make it like that. The numbers don't lie. If I keep this pace, I'll get 6000 words by week's end, another 1200 on Mon and Tue, and maybe another 6000 Wed and Thurs. That's 13k. I'm at 35k. That's not 50k. I need to RAMP UP. My head is exploding. I CAN'T.

AAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH NYAAAAAARRRGGGGGUHHHHHHH.

Soooooo cloooose yet sooooo faaaaarrrr.

Oh, and my stupid ass boss gave me an assignment over the weekend. I wanted to fucking write and think about nothing else. I'll worry about it Sunday. I want to write today and tomorrow.

I think I'm going to open yet another new document and freewrite about crap all.

Sobs.